It’s Fat January: 10 Things to Eat When Your Pants Don’t Fit

Who doesn’t love to eat? Eating is the FREAKIN’ best. Amiright? If I’m not eating right this second, I’m thinking about it. And when I am eating, I’m thinking about what I’m going to for a snack later. And who wasn’t downright giddy about holiday cookies and cakes, not to mention, all the freakin’ gravy. But then the cold hand of January slaps you in the face. Like an open-hand slap. When you feel the entire hand on your face. And then all that December goodness leads to January fatness.

Snitches, don’t despair. In between juicing and eating a bowl of air, you still eat food. “But diets,” you say. “But Summer bodies are made in the Winter,” you say. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You will still go out to eat – I know you. So lucky for you, I know a few places that won’t give you a massive guilt trip. That’s your mamma’s job. Seriously. Why haven’t you called her today?

Anyway, check out our list of some great restaurants and what to eat when your pants don’t fit and you don’t want to fall off the the healthy bandwagon too much.

1 If you’re craving tacos because when are you NOT craving tacos?

Tacos are quite possibly the most perfect food in the world. You can eat them for every meal and make them as healthy (or as unhealthy as you want). But since it’s Fat January, you need to stay away from the queso. Instead, get thee to a Torchy’s Tacos and get the Brushfire taco which has jerk chicken, sour cream, and a diablo sauce that will put hair on your feet (that’s a good thing, right?) and clocks in at 270 calories. Or get Mr. Pink for an ahi-tuna, queso fresco, chipotle sauce taste explosion. Damn it. Now I want tacos.
Check out Torchy’s Tacos


 2 When you need a bowl of good time goodness

www.hgsplyco.com

HG Sply Co. does Paleo and does it damn good. Everything is fantastic there, but stay on target and grab something healthy that tastes like it’s not. You know how you try to spaghetti cut a zucchini? As Yoda would say, I try, they do. The Zucchini “Pasta” House Bowl has it all with garlic blistered grape tomatoes, roasted eggplant, rainbow chard, caramelized onion, pickled sweet peppers & green olives and tops it all with toasted hemp-oat crumb. Wow. That’s a tasty mouthful. Or mix it up with their Tex Mex Bowl that has black & white quinoa, chile-braised black beans, salsa, sautéed red bell pepper & onion, guacamole, pineapple pico. That’s enough veggies to make up for your mishap at the office when you ate all the donuts. Let’s not talk about that.
Check out HG Sply Co.


 3 When there needs to be hummus among us

Hummus makes the world go round when you need a dip. Period. End of sentence. Sometimes you just need a dip. Zoe’s Kitchen has a phenomenal hummus and also has great options for lunch when you’ve forgotten your sandwich on the kitchen table. Two great ones are the Lean Turkey Pita and the Shrimp Kabob that also includes a side greek salad.
Check out Zoe’s Kitchen


4 When you’re looking for the cure for the everyday salad

www.salata.com

Ain’t nobody leap out of bed in the morning and say “Yes! New Day! I get to eat a salad!” Or maybe you do. And that makes you a crazy person. With more issues than Cosmo. But we aren’t here for that. We’re here for a non-boring salad. Salata lets you make your own salad without restrictions of what you put in there. And they have a whole mess of options. Do yourself a favor and go heavy on the veggies and light on the cheese. You won’t miss it. Trust me.
Check out Salata


 5 When you need to multitask and grab lunch and some groceries

Sometimes you need more of your favorite cereal but you also need to eat lunch. I know, I know, the best option is to eat cereal FOR lunch. But we already established that you have no cereal. Well, jump over to Whole Foods and grab your cereal and then scoot your butt to the prepared foods section for more choice than an 80s mall food court – but with less neon. Head to the salad section first and then grab a soup or a sammich. Unlike the mall food court, you’re not getting any Dippin’ Dots (the ice cream of the future)….and is this really our future? Ice cream in dot form? I don’t want that future.
Check out Whole Foods


 6 Pizza. Just Pizza.

I don’t even need a kitchy question for this one. Just pizza. Pizza. Don’t get lulled into those crust filled with hot dog monstrosities. Just don’t. When you need some pizza, head over to Palio’s Pizza. They have a thin wheat crust and if you want extra points for extra veggies, order a side greek salad and then the Vegetarian with olives, onions, mushrooms (oh my!) or the Classic Pizza with its roasted chicken and roma tomatoes. It’ll give you a tasty lunch and get some fiber in you. Because for Pete’s Sake, get some fiber. You know what it’s for.
Check out Palio’s Pizza Cafe


 7 When you can’t be trusted to order responsibly

www.seasons52.com

Some days I just want to look at a menu and say “bring me all the appetizers and a water.” It’s my own fault. Never go to a restaurant in Fat January without a plan. But sometimes this happens and I just can’t be trusted to order like I should. Enter the amazing place that is Seasons52. Nothing on the menu tops 600 calories. What What? So order anything and feel good. Don’t order EVERYthing. Don’t be that crazy-ass person. But with desserts at around 120 calories, everyone needs a topper. My personal favs are the Artichoke and Goat Cheese flatbreads and the BBQ Chicken with the gorgonzola. So tasty. So tasty. And if you’re in a filet mood – they got one – complete with a yukon mash. What What? Oh you heard me.
Check out Seasons52


 8 When you need a healthy fast food joint

www.startrestaurant.net

No, seriously. There is a healthy fast food joint around here. It’s Start Restaurant and it’s super awesome for all kinds of healthy options that get to your plate and get in your belly fast. You know how freakin’ delicious baked sweet potatoes are? They got one that is only 530 calories – and it’s all savory and whatnot with chicken, blue cheese crumbles AND buttermilk dressing. For 530
calories. Get out of here! No, I can’t. I live here. And you my love for sammiches, they got a road turkey and swiss with dijonaise that will save the day.
Check out Start Restaurant


 9 When you need to Greek yo’self

www.eatverts.com

Another build your own pita/salad/rice bowl/quinoa bowl place. Verts Mediterranean has you covered with a heavy emphasis on mediterranean touches like Tzatziki sauce, Eggplant Dip, Spiced Chickpeas, and even a Beef & Lamb Mix. It’ll fill you up and make your mouth happy at the same time. Unlike that dry bran muffin you choked down this morning. Like chewing on cardboard that leaves little cardboardy crumbs all over your sweater. This is not that. Do yourself a favor and get the spiced chickpeas – you’ve earned it.
Check out Vert’s Mediterranean 


 10 When you done drank too much last night

You know this feeling. It’s the feeling of emptiness. Not in your heart. In your belly. We aren’t that deep. I’m not looking for a soulmate, I’m just looking for a soulful plate of eggs. That’s a Tinder quote. You might possibly find your soulmate if you use it. Breakfast at Dream Cafe gets you going in the morning without having to admit to yourself that you drank your entire weeks’ worth of calories in Moscow Mules. Grab the Way to Condition Cup of steel-cut oatmeal with bananas, pecans and currants, scrambled egg whites, sliced tomatoes, and vegetarian sausage. Or be all fancy and get the Glorified Omelette with fresh spinach, Swiss cheese and sautéed mushrooms. And remember, true soulmates let you order a salad and then steal fries off their plate. Because those calories don’t count.
Check out Dream Cafe

Damn you, Fat January. You bring no joy. When will it be Chocolate February?

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4 thoughts

  1. Loved this post! And, yes, eating is the freakin’ best!! Sadly the fun of the last few months has also left my britches a bit on the snug side. Thank you for the great food tips, and keep up the good work!

  2. WHOLE FOODS is my ALL TIME favorite lunch spot! It’s “fast food”, it’s healthy, delicious and so filling!! I friggin’ ADORE IT – seriously! I go to Whole Foods at least 4 times a week. I just cannot get enough of their salmon!

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